21 weeks...

Hard to believe that it has been three weeks since my surgery. Everything happened so fast and now it is finally starting to slow down. I had a follow up appointment with the Oncologist last week to make sure that I was healing well. He said that everything looked good and that I don't need to come back again. I think that is funny to say that everything looked good when my belly has five incisions on it. I know what he meant. He also told me how challenging the surgery was for them. With the placement and size of the ovary they had to try/use almost every angle and tool. That is why he said that it took twice the time. Although I was happy to have met this man I am very happy to hopefully never see him again.

The glue is off and the vitamin E is on. The three laproscopic ones are very small and will heal and probably not be visible. But the pretty 3" one under my belly button and 1" one below my breast line probably won't go away. It is very tight when I bend over and randomly I feel sharp stinging like it is opening back up. Unfortunately for the healing since I am pregnant they will probably look more ugly than pretty. Wait a minute.....do any incisions look pretty???

Daily....hourly, when I look at them I try not to focus on the wound. I try to focus on the fact that the God of all things chose to save me and my baby. I don't know why God has been so good to me. He has protected me from so many things when I definitely don't deserve it. Why Lord? Why me? I don't deserve this life I live. A loving husband, a beautiful daughter(another miracle), an amazing family, good friends, a house over my head, food in the fridge, two vehicles that run....the list could go on and on. Why does God continue to be faithful when I am not? Why do I get caught up in the daily routines of life and forget to spend quality time with Him?

I think that things are finally starting to hit me. The idea that I could have had cancer and possibly lost my life and Andrew's. That thought sends shocks through my body. Don't get me wrong, I want to go to heaven and spend eternity with my Savior but.... I want to spend many years with my husband, growing old with him, watching our children grow up and have children of their own.

I hope this feeling doesn't fade.